At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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