Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
