NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
