Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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