office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
