For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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