the day after is always just damage control
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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