all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
