Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
