he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
