tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You are a genius and a whore.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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