I'm eating all of the evidence.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
