just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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