This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
