So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
