I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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