benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
