it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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