Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
