babies were throwing up all over the place
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
