Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
