8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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