I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
