you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
