It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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