She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You need a sexual gate keeper
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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