It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
