I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize