Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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