big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
