Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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