dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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