He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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