uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
