even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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