i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
they're like a gay fantastic four
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
