a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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