someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
