Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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