Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
