i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
