i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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