In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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