I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
