You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
