I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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