Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You are the jesus of drinking
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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