the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
