so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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