I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My life is pants optional.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
