i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
