During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize