Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
