turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
