hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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