i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
