Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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