My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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