The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
