i need an iv and a liver transplant
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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