i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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