toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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