you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
