Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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