1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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