Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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