i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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