I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize