he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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