Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Boobs are out for the taking
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
