Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
