I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
