i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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