You just made me feel so damn special
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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