i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
