I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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