i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
