3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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