Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
