My room smells like vodka and shame
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
