im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
