I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
